


Our Past is Not Our Future

by rosecake



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, F/F, Happy Ending, Symbionts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 11:53:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9322418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosecake/pseuds/rosecake
Summary: Lenara is called back to Deep Space Nine and has to confront her feelings for Jadzia.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Melime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/gifts).



> This was written for Melime as part of Fandom_Stocking over at Dreamwidth. I had a really positive experience with the community this year, I hope you have as well!

Contact would be nothing but cruelty at this point. Lenara is fully aware of this, but Jadzia's contact information still sits on her household communicator, taunting her whenever she has a weak moment. She should delete it, but she can't bring herself to. 

In the end, though, all of her self control counts for nothing. Her supervisor at the academy calls her and tells her they've secured funding for additional research on the Bajoran wormhole. 

Which means, of course, that her presence is requested at Deep Space Nine, where Jadzia is no doubt still stationed. Refusal is always an option, but wormhole research has been her driving focus for a lifetime now, and she cannot refuse the opportunity without admitting an emotional entanglement. Yes, there will certainly be gossip if she refuses, and so it is safer to simply accept. 

That's how she justifies it to herself, at any rate.

*******

Jadzia is her welcoming committee when she steps off the shuttle. If their situations were reversed, Lenara would have hid and sent someone else in her place. Deep Space Nine is huge. There is no reason why they should ever have to cross paths.

However, for all the Daxes's many flaws, none of them had ever been cowards. 

"Hello, Lenara," says Jadzia. 

"Did you have anything to do with this new assignment?" asks Lenara, and she immediately regrets how harsh it ends up sounding. 

"I had nothing to do with it," says Jadzia, smiling brightly. "It must be fate." 

Lenara ends up smiling back despite herself, even as she resists the urge to roll her eyes. The Daxes have always been like this - charming, but not as charming as they think they are. Still, Lenara has missed it.

*******

They hold official meetings regularly, even though there is no reason why two people in their respective occupations should need to consult with each other so often. The meetings stay relatively professional for longer than Lenara expects, and she can't decide whether she is grateful or irritated over the delay. They will have to have a reckoning at some point.

It takes weeks, but one day when Jadzia escorts her to her quarters she does not leave her at the door. She steps over the threshold right behind Lenara, and does not even wait until the door is fully shut behind them to kiss Lenara's neck. Lenara only lets herself lean into it for a few seconds before pulling away. 

"I am very tired of always being the responsible one," she says, turning and pushing Jadzia back. 

Jadzia sighs and shrugs her shoulders. "Then stop being responsible," she says. Lenara had expected her to be frustrated, but she mostly sounds sad. "I've always been clear about what I wanted. You're the one who left and then came back again." 

"I didn't come back for you," says Lenara. "I am a researcher, and you just happen to be stationed right next to the only stable wormhole in the galaxy." It sounds unconvincing even to her own ears. 

"I don't believe you." 

Lenara sighs. She has never liked arguing with Dax, but they alway end up in an argument anyway. "It doesn't matter if you believe me or not. We can't do this," says Lenara. "It will be the end of both of us. For what? The ghost of a relationship that died years ago? We are not the same people we were then." 

"We are different people," agrees Jadzia, but Lenara does not believe for even a second that she's won the argument. The only way to win an argument with Dax is to leave. "I still love you. If this really was just an echo of something earlier hosts felt, I could let it go, but it's not. I know I'm not Torias anymore, and you aren't Nilani, and I don't just want us to relive that cycle." 

Jadzia takes Lenara's hand in her own, and Lenara knows the smartest thing to do now is to slap her away and tell her to leave and not come back. She doesn't want to do the smart thing, though. Instead, she twists her fingers so that Jadzia's are intertwined with her own. 

"I want us to be Jadzia and Lenara," says Jadzia. "I love _you_ , Lenara."

"I don't think that Jadzia and Torias will ever be so easily separated in my mind," says Lenara. The words for her feelings are there, but they stick in her throat. She knows the consequences are going to be brutal no matter how she moves forward. "But I don't just think of the past when I see you, Jadzia. I think of the future I want with you." 

That is all the confirmation Jadzia needs, and Lenara finds herself being kissed almost before she even has all the words out. It feels familiar, almost nostalgic standing there with Jadzia's arms wrapped tightly around her, but there's a spark of something new and exciting as well. 

Things will be difficult, and Lenara realizes that. But she will have Jadzia with her, and that will make the future worthwhile.


End file.
